“Am I Selfish?” – Answering the Big Why & 5 Things to Save Yourself From Mom Guilt

No you’re not. Plain and simple.

You tell yourself you need it.

You told yourself yesterday you need it.

Heck, you even told yourself a few minutes ago that you need it but have you actually had it????

Yup, space. Our own good me-time SPACE. All to ourselves. Undisturbed.

As mothers, we’re constantly pulled in every direction. Be it to delegate, supervise or control a situation, name it, we’re almost ALWAYS THERE. And even if we’re not, even if we do have a supportive partner or external help, the mental load we mommas carry is reason alone for us to need to pull away and disconnect in order for us to remain sane.

There’s a lot of truth that sometimes we ourselves are our own restrictor/enemy. This is perhaps due to how in this day and age, women’s lives are more hectic than ever with us trying to juggle a career, a family, a household, friendships, a social life all at – say it with me – ONCE. It’s almost practically challenging for mothers to pause and take time to themselves especially when sometimes we feel we're not giving enough to our children on top of our other responsibilities. 

Then the moment we do, we tend to have mom guilt. The worse kind especially when you have given your all and me time is actually a NECESSITY so that you can recharge and be the best version of yourself for your children.

Therefore its no surprise that we as mothers take a back seat. Are you guilty of that? I for one, am. As a mother, through the first few years of post partum, I found it so difficult to make time for myself even if I had help. I kept giving myself reasons like, “oh later, its okay I’m fine” but really, sometimes its just your subconscious guilt-tripping you. But it is important for you to disconnect with others to reconnect with YOURSELF.

For starters, change your perspective. Try to channel your mom guilt into something positive. Tell yourself that if you don’t make time for yourself, your children will witness an unhappy mother. Would you want that for your children?Let them emulate the best of you. Not the worse of you.

Remember, me time is actually a NECESSITY so that you can recharge and be the best version of yourself for your children.

Here are 5 Things to (keep telling yourself!) Save You from Mom Guilt :

1. You’re only human. Even kids need a break. What more a mother!

- Being overstimulated is never a good a thing. For kids and adults. The head and heart needs a rest too. Always listen to your body before it fails you. 

2. Kids lead by example. Show them that you value yourself outside of just taking care of them.

- Believe it or not, our kids watch us ALL THE TIME. So why not let your child see you as a happy, fulfilled mother rather than someone who's sacrificed her own passions for her children. When they see you taking the time out to prioritize yourself, this is in itself is teaching them that you value yourself AS MUCH as you value caring for them.

3. Pat yourself on the back for being in tune with your feelings.

- A lot of mothers experience postpartum depression by losing touch with their feelings. To prevent this from happening, constantly evaluate how you're feeling. Be it good, meh or bad, try talking it out or penning it down somewhere. Acknowledging your feelings is a form of control over yourself without completely losing yourself to your new role as a mother

4. Recognize that being a mother is hard work. Never question yourself.

- If there's anyone more worthy of anything - IT'S YOU MAMA!! 

5. Remind yourself that you can do ANYTHING, but not everything.

- Yes, you are their world. But perfection is not what they're seeking for. And believe it or not, you're children are more independent than you think. So instead of cowering with guilt, give yourself some space to flourish not only as a mother, but as who you are as a person. 

Be kind to yourselves momma. Love yourself and make that time. Try not to let the mental load get the best of you and if you have to, remind your partner he is a parent too. I promise that almost everything and everyone will be a-okay while you care for yourself. In exchange, your children and spouse will be able to appreciate a more fulfilled and contented mama.

And if you feel like its hard to ignore that heavy guilt feeling that you have, then join our 24/7 Telegram Mommy Hotline where you'll find other mothers just like you. We're here to help you unload your guilt and tell you that its okay! Everything will be okay

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